| I Hate Myself And I Want To Die |
[Nov. 11th, 2005|08:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Because You Loved Me- Celine Dion | ] |
1,586/50,000 I Hate Myself And I Want To Die
This is what I get for flying by the seat of my pants :\
This was their war, no one else's. And they didn't care who got involved. Who got hurt. Who was who. The only thing that mattered was to get rid of the target. Tanja knew that, she had known that since the time she stepped into the light of Fuhrer DeVal's menacing war room. There were no emotions in war, no mercy; only sacrifice and the blood of the enemy. Fuhrer DeVal set his standards high, and they were always met. The only defeat he had ever known was the loss of his last Kommandant to the enemy's persuasive tactics. A shattering blow to not only his army, but to his pride as well.
Pulling her black hair into a tight ponytail, Tanja finished her preparations for the induction ceremony. A clock hidden somewhere in the nether regions of her bunk rang the hour. She was ten minutes from being late. Pulling on her dark khaki coat, she rushed out of her room and down the long dark hallway which many a Kommandant and Fuhrer had walked down before. Somewhere towards the end of the hallway, Tanja could hear Fuhrer DeVal’s booming and powerful voice.
“Achtung!” The roar of the main room fell into a painfully awkward silence, “Gute.” Stormy blue eyes scanned the main room until they fell upon a certain ranking officer, “Ah! Officer Modrall! Just the lady I was looking for!”
Heads turned towards the entrance as Tanja straightened her posture and marched towards the stage. There was an air of awe. Tanja Modrall, the poster child of the Ninth Reich, strode across the linoleum floor with such grace and strength. As she passed the tables closest to the stage, Tanja could feel something being pressed into her hand. A note! She slipped the folded paper into her coat pocket and continued up the stairs towards the stage with unbroken confidence. Her feet snapped together as her hand raised and snapped back down in a salute. Fuhrer DeVal examined her for a moment, before turning to speak. As he made the daily announcements, Tanja slowly drifted off into her own wonderland. Her eyes trailed from the back of Fuhrer DeVal’s head, specifically the shining dirty blond hair which was styled very neatly in the back along his slim and strong neck. The long khaki trench coat that held their broken Swastika armband was loose on him, having originally been fitted for the previous Fuhrer. Bryan DeVal was a slender man, almost a twig in appearance, but he was handsome. At least, he was to Tanja. He was pale, with dark, dirty blonde hair and dark blue eyes. Just a quick glance at him would be alarming. He would appear to be very ghost like, very tall and methodical in his movements.
“And so-” Tanja’s attention returned to reality. Fuhrer DeVal had turned to the side to gesture Tanja towards him. She quickly went up to his side, keeping a stern façade, “- this is why the position of Kommandant- my second-in-command- will be filled by Officer Modrall. Will you accept this position?”
There was another awkward silence. The newly named Kommandant stared out into the audience in disbelief. Her, Kommandant? What had Fuhrer DeVal been saying? Had he been praising her? Inhaling sharply and exhaling with equal strength, Tanja found her voice, “Yes, I accept.”
“Prima!” The soldiers and other ranking officers leapt out of their seats and into a frenzy of cheers and congratulations. The New Year was off to a good start. Tanja had been promoted, Fuhrer DeVal had a new right hand man, or woman in this case, and the march against the enemy would go on.
The induction ceremony went by smoothly, no invasions, no spies. As the ceremony wound down, Tanja found herself in something of a daze as she and another officer named Adam cleaned up the tables.
“That was a nice surprise, wasn’t it Tanja?” Adam said, folding a tablecloth, “Now you can be by Bryan’s side at all times.”
“Fuhrer DeVal, Officer.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” He tossed the tablecloth into a small, portable hamper that had been marked on with a Sharpie, “Sometimes, I think you take this whole thing too seriously.”
“Why shouldn’t we take it seriously?” Tanja zipped the hamper shut and shoved it towards Adam, “The Lolocaust is very serious; the Emo-cide has started and must be followed through.”
“How many times must I say it? ‘Emo’ is genre of music, not a label.” Adam threw the hamper over his shoulder and started out the room. Tanja followed him, pouting. She knew emo was a music genre, and a terrible genre at that. She also knew that their ‘war’ was just a way for them to rebel against all that is ‘Emo’ or ‘Scene’ or any of those other words Fuhrer DeVal used to describe the enemy. Down the main hallway leading towards the exit, Tanja could hear something rather raunchy in one of the many dressing rooms of the city’s civic center. She kicked in one of the doors and found two grunts wrapped in each other, for lack of a better phrase, “Ew.”
“ACHTUNG!” The two sprung out of each other’s grasp and stood in attention, “What the fuck do you two think you’re doing?! Put some clothes on! Who’s your flank commander? Put your pants on! Do you have any idea what time it is? You nasty little grunt fucks! PUT. SOME. DAMN. PANTS. ON!”
In a flurry of fear, the two rushed to put their clothes on and try to answer Tanja’s questions. Adam watched in amusement. Only one thing pissed Tanja off more than PDA, and that was disrespect. And nothing was more disrespectful than to skip out on a meeting to fuck another soldier. Adam smirked as the Kommandant made full use of her new rank with ferocity. The black ponytail at the back of her head swung and flew with every angered word. Her dark brown eyes had become furious slits. And the shadows of her strained leg and arm muscles could just barely be seen against her russet skin as she growled. Once the grunts had their clothes on, she chased them out of the civic center, not breaking in her castigation of her inferiors.
“You little bastards better be happy!” Tanja shrieked as the soldiers hurried towards their parent’s cars, “If this hadn’t been your first offense, you’d be lucky if I let you walk out of here with both your legs! Honestly, the nerve of those underlings.”
“Ha-ha. Tanja, you never cease to amaze. Oh, there’s my mom. See you next week.” Adam started down the ivory white steps of the civic center towards his mom’s Eclipse. Tanja sighed and sat on the top step of the staircase, trying to decide whether or not to call her mom to pick her up now. As she sat, her mind began to drift. She was now the Kommandant. The Fuhrer’s right-hand… girl. It made her smile a little, knowing she could be by Fuhrer DeVal’s side. Oh, Fuhrer…
“Kommandant Modrall! Vat are you still doing herre?” Tanja leapt to her feet. A light well practiced accent sent shivers up her spine. Fuhrer DeVal came up to her side, smiling.
“Ah-ah! Fuhrer DeVal!” She stuttered, standing at attention with her arm up, “I didn’t know you were still here!”
“Relax, Kommandant.” She reluctantly did, “You’re very fiery for this late at night.”
“Danke, Fuhrer.” She bowed. They both sat down slowly.
“Please, just call me Bryan, Tanja.” Her heart leapt into her throat. He knew her name?! She felt herself sweating. Bryan sighed and pulled his jacket off. Beneath it he was wearing a simple white tank top. Tanja looked over once, and quickly looked away in shame. Though he was almost unhealthily skinny, he was fairly muscular, “You’re a good soldier. Why haven’t you gone home yet?”
“I was chasing some stupid grunts out. You wouldn’t believe their disrespect!”
“Hahahaha!” Tanja looked back in shock. He was laughing! Something she had never seen in the two years she had been working for him. And something else. He had a well-defined six-pack, which could be seen when his body shook. So beautiful, “You are quite a card, Tanja. Very productive, and self-sufficient. That’s why you’re my Kommandant.”
“Danke, Fu-… Bryan.” She nodded and looked back down the stairs. Her heart was racing. She was really talking to him! No strategies, no speak of the inferior men. Just a talk, “I’m much honored to serve by your side.”
“You’ve always been by my side…” Tanja could feel herself blushing, “This was just to make it more official.”
“You flatter me.” She smiled a little.
“It’s nothing, seriously. Here, let me take you home. You live on Gilmer Street, right?”
“Yes.” Bryan stood and brushed the back of his pants off. Tanja followed suit. The two walked down the stairs towards Bryan’s red Tahoe. The beat-up truck was just as junkie inside as it was outside. Tanja winced a little as she shuffled through old school papers and miscellaneous trash. Bryan chuckled, apologizes for his mess. He had been caught up in a whirlwind of trying to get ready for senior year. A thought that pained Tanja in her heart. She had known Bryan for a little more than three years, and to think that he would be leaving this year. She shook it off as the Tahoe sputtered and growled. Bryan smiled again and they were off. |
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